My Social Media-less Life

Over the course of the last month, I’ve been on this new journey with the Lord. Realistically, every journey with the Lord should be new, but I’ve been doing things I never thought I would be doing.

Fasting
Having crazy dreams
Thinking before speaking/acting

The last of those things can be chalked up to growing up, but anybody who knows me knows, I am really good at speaking my mind. Sometimes faster than my mind can realize actual words have been used.

Now that I think about it, maybe all three of those items can be chalked up to growing up… even up to January of this year, I didn’t think I could fast a full 24 hours. I managed to make it to almost 46.

The same week I did that (this week), I had this really weird dream. The details aren’t important to the general public, but I told my mom the dream and she managed to give me an “interpretation” of said dream that honestly… kind of scared me.

And not in the way that’s like, I’m going to completely avoid doing anything productive or anything close to what is being asked, but more along the lines of, how do I accomplish this, when does it start, and what does it look like for me… and why me.

The interpretation was given to me right at the beginning of our workday, so I decided to set the whole affair on the proverbial back burner of my mind, and I went on to listen to some things as I normally do when I work.

I started with some podcasts. They couldn’t really hold my attention. So I went to my audiobook, The Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks. I’m coming up on the last 3 hours of the audiobook, so of course things are finally starting to come together (it’s a 23-hour audiobook). One of the climaxes is how the male main character, Wil, is finally coming to terms with something that has been haunting him since like… hour 4 of the book. It’s been a long time and I was beginning to wonder if the author had forgotten about this particular problem.

He had not. In the climax, Wil finally realizes the biggest thing that’s been holding him back this whole time is fear. He’s afraid, and he doesn’t know why.

I was glad it was just me and my mom at the house because I literally yelled out when it was revealed what was holding him back… and then the Lord prompted me as if to say:

“That’s your biggest problem, too.”

Well, dang. I didn’t know I was going to find out about myself while reading, but I almost always do… and especially when I’ve been more open to the Lord and what He’s saying to me. And really, the best example of a good book is one that reveals things to you about yourself without actually preaching at you.

This whole month, I’ve been feeling very similar to how I did before I quit social media, but there was nothing to pinpoint as the cause of why I felt this way. Even now as I write this, I have no idea what it is I’m supposed to do next. I just know that my focus is shifting from what has been… to what the Lord wants me to be.

In the book, the author wrote down that moment in time when Wil finds out about himself as “past and present… gathered into one.” (I also have the physical book, so I definitely just looked that up)

That’s exactly how I felt when I had this revelation.

The biggest thing holding me back is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and– whether I’m comfortable with the admission or not– fear of people and their judgment of me.

One thing I told my friend is that my “observational superpower” is no longer simply for me to use to be nosy. I actually need to start using it in some way to help people.

How am I going to do that? I don’t know. I haven’t finished going through that fusion of past and present yet. This particular chapter of my life has yet to be finished, but I do know…

However I accomplish this “new” calling, I know it’s going to be a great use of my gifts and abilities.

So… once again, storytelling has come in handy to show myself something about myself that I didn’t know needed to be addressed. Here’s to many more growth opportunities through reading, writing, and listening to the Holy Spirit.