My Social Media-less Life

Last night, I did some beta-reading for a friend of mine and then went to bed. Although that doesn’t usually bode well for my sleep, I did it anyway. If I read anything before bed, I have to have a time of unwinding, which is usually just listening to music and thinking about what I read. Once my brain is too exhausted to think about much else, I simply go to bed, and I have a decent night’s sleep.

My friend’s upcoming book has to do with one of her main characters and his dad. So there were a lot of emotions in there that, although I don’t necessarily struggle with a lot of the same things this character struggled with, I went through the whole gamut of emotions anyway.

No longer having my father on the earth with me, I did (or thought I did) talk through the emotions with my friend. So it’s not like I was just going to bed with all these unresolved feelings.

After my friend went to bed, I thought, “Well, it’ll be okay. I talked to her a bit about the book so surely that will suffice, right?”

Turns out the answer was, no… not so much.

I had a dream last night that my dad spent the night at my house. In my bed. And this dream wasn’t a dream that happened right before I woke up like most of my dreams. This one was in the middle of the night, and it felt like someone was there with me most of the night. I was more upset to find out it wasn’t real than I was to find out it was only a dream.

In some ways, it was comforting… but overall, it was just kind of sad.

And then I remembered that this is Memorial Day weekend, and although my dad died of his own accord and not in any physical war, anything to do with soldiers gives me feelings of nostalgia, and then eventually feelings of sadness. Though sadness is not always an emotion I have to deal with… but for this particular weekend, it is.

I also realized this is the first Memorial Day since my dad passed away that I’m not spending it with my roommate. We usually hang out on the Monday of Memorial Day weekend, and I go out of my way to make sure I spend as much time with her as possible.

This year, her family went on a trip out of town. So I’m left “alone” at home.

My bestest friend is at the house with me however, and it wasn’t until this morning that I realized I was doing myself a favor by making sure I wasn’t home alone all weekend… wallowing, as I might have ended up doing.

In closing…

This weekend has been a good weekend. I’m learning how to “level up” in the Lord, be okay with having emotions, and take a few minutes to just rest in my Heavenly Father and His presence when I need it the absolute most.