My Social Media-less Life

I had planned to simply journal, but this story is too fun for all that.

There I was, doing my duty as carer of the old girl, Izzy. She’s mostly blind and about 95% deaf, so I am literally the only thing keeping her alive when we go out to potty.

What I wasn’t aware of was how much I would need to defend her this night.

Of course, the first question you might ask is, “Why would you take the dog out front on a leash to go potty? Why not just take her out the back where there’s at least a modicum of safety?”

Ultimately… Izzy is in charge. She’s 16 years old, which is like a bazillion in little dog years, so when she walks toward the front door, I just attach her to the flex leash and we wander out the front door. It’s a pretty simple recipe, and she doesn’t hate me, so it’s a win all the way around.

This night, it was the final potty before bed. She turns in between 8:30 and 9 and we’re coming up on the low end of that time frame. Since I am the eyes and ears of this relationship, I look around and see a bunny in the grass in the next yard. He sees us and makes himself suspiciously invisible… but of course it’s the twilight hour, and he’s unaware of the plight of Izzy and her inability to see or hear much more than what is within six inches of her face. And even then, it’s a wonder she hasn’t run into more walls in her own home.

We wander across the street and she sniffs us over a house and a half from where she lives and does her business. Suddenly I hear a rustling and see movement out of the corner of my eye. My first thought is that the bunny has decided life isn’t worth it and wants to die by fear. Instead, I see something else entirely.

It’s a red fox.

As soon as we make eye contact, he freezes as if it’s The Squid Games and he might die if he moves.

In a split second, I have a whole conversation with myself. “I could scream like they say to do with wolves in the wild, but foxes scream. Do they get nervous about that if it’s not another of their kind? Well, I could just make a sudden movement and scare it off.”

Instead of doing any of that, I use my voice.

“No no. What are you doing? You can’t have her. She’s mine. No no.”

I happen to have my phone in my hand, and I have been trying to text a friend back, so I snap the cover closed and the magnets hitting each other make a loud enough noise that the fox jumps back and saunters into the street.

But he still has eyes on Izzy.

At this point, I continue to talk to him as I wave my phone at him… as if that’s ever scared anyone off.

“No no. Go on. She’s still mine. You can’t have her.”

At this point, I realize Izzy is absolutely no help as she also begins her little jaunt again TOWARD THE FOX. Since she’s on a flex leash, I pull it tight just enough that it makes some noise and I bring her a little bit closer to me while still facing the fox. Izzy seems slightly fed up with me at this point, but I know she really has no knowledge of this other animal in our midst. He’s done a good job of staying downwind from her, even in the street.

“Go on,” I say one last time. I know he never understood a word of what I said… but he finally decides to turn tail and run off. He gives one more glance back as he disappears around a corner.

Izzy and I make our way back to our side of the street and happen to scare the bunny that I saw, who had not left his spot in the next yard this entire exchange.

“Oh, NOW you decide to show yourself,” I yell at the bunny as if he can understand me. “You couldn’t have helped out sooner? Then I wouldn’t have looked like a fool, talking to a fox who probably couldn’t understand me anyway.” He simply hops across the street and disappears into the night in the opposite direction of the fox.

Needless to say, everyone is fine, the bunny lives to see another day, the fox had to go find some other victim, and Izzy is none the wiser.

I will say, the fox was a BEAUTIFUL specimen, and I wish I could have made friends with him… but making friends with the wildlife is not the best plan with another person’s dog in tow. I did my best to uphold the “dominion mandate,” and I’d say I did that pretty well.

Also, it was my birthday on Wednesday, so here’s a picture of me eating frozen custard to celebrate.