My Social Media-less Life

*** I would apologize that I have been MIA after promising to post once a week, but in my defense, I did start writing a story again! Also, I am currently on our annual “besties trip” and have had some weird life things happen that I will not be visiting during this post. However, maybe I will talk about them in the future. For tonight, this post is about something else entirely…***

Dear Papa,
Today marks 11 years since you’ve been gone. This evening (about the time most of my readers will see this) will be the “exact” time, but “death days” are like birthdays, people just commemorate the day and not the exact time.

Although I do remember that you would have. Matthew likes to go over the top with things like that too. I think it’s a way we try to keep your memory alive. Though Mom claims you and I are so similar that she regularly jokes that “Jay Henning” is alive and well. We haven’t quite gotten to the “don’t encourage her” stage on a regular basis, but she has thrown it out a time or two. Or three or four. Okay… maybe now that I’m thinking about it, we hit that stage about six years ago. Haha!

Without trying, this is now the second girls trip I’ve planned that has been around an important date of yours. The first one was around your birthday and this one, the third one, is around your death day. Honestly, having something to look forward to and do with friends helps with the healing.

Not that there’s been an excessive amount of pain to need healing from, but my life has been pretty busy lately so maybe I’m just using the busyness to hide things? Shrugs, I won’t say no to either option, but I do know that I don’t have that deep sadness that I had a lot of the first few years.

We, the family, do miss you though. As we get older, we miss that we can’t share experiences with you on this side of eternity. Mom just told me last week she misses you because you guys were such good friends. We took Gabriel out for lunch and you came up in conversation a few times. Matthew mentions you at least once if not twice during our family lunches.

I know I’ve said this before, but you would have LOVED the kids. Even now with them being older, Gabriel and Ezekiel remind me so much of you. Especially Ezekiel! Talk about “copy-paste.” I’m sure as the younger two get older, they’ll develop “Jay Henning quirks” but for now, it’s pretty obvious with the two older ones.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and I miss you. I went to Pikes Peak with some friends yesterday (June 13) and we had donuts on the summit and weirdly… I thought of you the whole time?

(Said friends might dislike this picture but it was heckin bright and of the three my phone allowed me to take, this is legitimately the best option)

Something about having donuts at 14,115 feet above sea level made me think, “I wonder if Papa would have loved doing this too.”

I mean… you were always up for the weird adventures and I loved going on them with you. I wish we could have done more, but I know you were watching me look over the edge of the railings today and wishing I would move back. Honestly, if my friend Rachel hadn’t been with me, I probably would not have done it. It was pretty nerve-wracking.

We did see a marmot though! He even glanced in our direction and that was pretty cool. Haha. But yeah, the drop was pretty steep and precipitous… you were likely telling me to get back or just not go out on that overlook, but I did get some pretty cool pictures.

So yeah… that’s about all for now. Just wanted to let you know that I miss you and love you and wish you were still alive on this side of eternity. You were loved, are loved, and will always be loved.

*** If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please reach out. There are so many resources today to help. And if you really need help, call on Jesus. He has been the Biggest Help in my life and without Him, I also would be depressed or dead. Suicide is dumb, especially because people think taking the most precious gift they’ve ever received only affects them when in reality it affects everyone they can name and many they can’t. If you can think of at least one person you’ve had an interaction with, that person would miss you if you were gone. Really. Even if they deem themself your enemy now, if you were gone, all of that would be forgotten instantly. In the year of our Lord, 2026, nobody should be so close-minded that they legitimately wish you dead.

Make better choices and choose life.

You are loved. You are chosen. You are strong. We can do this together.