This weekend is the annual Women Arise Conference at Charis Bible College and the theme this year is “Invitation To Surrender.”
I’m not sure what you know or remember about my being at these conferences but if I allow it, the Lord wrecks me every time. Every.
The times I didn’t get wrecked? Well… that’s because I was being a not-great human being.
Sometimes I get so into doing church and not actually receiving that I have learned how to NOT receive just as much as I’ve learned how to receive.
Anyway, it’s only the first full day of the conference and the Lord has already broken through my stubbornness.
Which is great, don’t get me wrong. But now I feel like I’m in a foul mood and the only person I have to blame is myself.
I was going to spend this rare free and alone time writing in my story, but I needed to write here instead.
The real point of this post is coming, I promise.
So what did the Lord show me about myself this time? It’s not that I’m not obedient to what He wants, it’s that I’m doing it with a bad attitude.
I want to do the will of God. Shoot, jumping out on a limb with only His word as my guide is a literal dream of mine. Except…
The will of God for my life is not to go, but to stay.
At least for now. I’ve spent my whole life bouncing around from place to place, whether that was the house I lived in, the city I lived in, the state I lived in, the church I went to, the friends I had, or the job I had.
The Lord had given me an inkling that there was going to be some kind of an uprooting for me this year and I didn’t believe Him.
And then my family all moved into the same house and the Lord said “Go.” Since it was movement, I went.
And then… everything else was pretty much the same. The church, the job, the city.
But I’m not content. Not like I’m supposed to be. Not like my family seems to be.
So today the Lord told me something and there was no altar call for this… thus, I went into a foul mood:
“You’ve done all the obeying, but you don’t do it with a glad heart. You do it out of spite. That’s why our relationship has stagnated. Change your attitude.”
Why did I go into a foul mood? Well it was right at the end of the morning session and I had no opportunity to sit and process that. Then I was going to talk to some of the ladies I came with, but another lady was having a REAL breakdown. Or at least what I consider a “real” breakdown with tears and snot and vulnerability.
I was just mad at God for smacking me proverbially.
And then I had to swallow my anger and pride to ask someone to help me find Lost and Found so I could find my phone. *sigh* Nothing like a piece of Humble Pie to set you back to where you’re supposed to be.
Honestly though, I’m glad I skipped going to any of the first breakout sessions this afternoon. I needed to get this out and later would have been after the day was over, and I don’t know that I would have gotten what I need to get from the breakout session I want to go to in a few minutes.
Anyway, I’ll work on my attitude. Make sure you’re keeping a good one too. 😉
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